National Honesty Day!

Happy National Honesty Day and National Oatmeal Cookie Day! Oatmeal cookies are known for their brutal honesty. No, really, it's brutal. Whenever they tell you the truth (which is all the time), they also feel compelled to punch you. This is why it stinks to be friends with oatmeal cookies.

Random Picture Of The Day:

How artistic/delicious.

Ooh, and a special birthday shout-out to my brother! Thanks for being awesome!

Oh, nice. I give you something nice and you throw cake on the floor. See if I ever give you a birthday shout-out again.

Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"May I wash your pie?" Only if you use a gentle wash and fruit-flavored detergent. Otherwise it'll shrink and lose its taste, and, really, who wants that? Nobody. Am I right?

"I just died in about five different ways." Really? Do elaborate. Apparently you didn't die too badly, though, if you've recovered enough from the experience to tell us about it.

"I have a freckle on my belly." I could not care. Any less.

"Her pencil pouch is so fat, it, like, has my face in it." Because that makes sense. Also, you need to be kinder. Obese pencil pouches have feelings too!

National Shrimp Scampi Day!

Happy National Shrimp Scampi Day! I don't even know what that is! But it's so exciting anyway!

Random picture of the day:

Oooh pretty.

Hey, a special birthday shout-out to one of my faithful followers, charli! Hope you're having fun on your birthday!

What a cute little chocolate plate of awesome.

...Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"How's Mr. Pie doing?" Blueberrily well, which is surprising, 'cause he's an apple pie.

"I'm gonna get in a fight. With a straw." How nice for you.

"Something about a glow stick and a very large nose." Weirdly enough, my very large nose is made out of glow sticks...

"At least you don't have a colosseum." Yeah. How much would that suck?

"Did someone just put on men's cologne? Because it's very bothering me!" It's funny because they don't care.

Great Poetry Reading Day!

Happy Great Poetry Reading Day! Does this mean the poetry has to be great, or it has to be read in a great way? Hmmm...must ponder this quandary...ponderponderponder...nope, turns out (after much pondering) that the day itself is what 'great' is referring to. Or something...must go ponder some more...

Random picture of the day:

Cephalopod-on-a-string. Delicious.

...anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

Person 1: "Who has a pet ginger?"
Person 2: "Ooh! That's me!"
Person 3: "No, you are the ginger."
Person 2: "I know!" ...okay...

***

Person 1: "Did she try to kill you?"
Person 2: "No."
Person 1: "Kidnap you?"
Person 2: "No."
Person 1: "Did you bite her and run away?" But of course.

***

Person 1: "Did you know the word 'gullible' is not written in the air?"
Person 2: "Did you know that it's on the ceiling?" ...really?

***

Person 1: "That's a terrible blue."
Person 2: "Your mom's a terrible blue." I checked--actually, she is. I refuse to be insulted by the statement of facts. Keep 'em coming!

Tell A Story Day!

Happy Tell A Story Day and National Prime Rib Day! I highly recommend telling a story about prime rib just to cover all your bases.

Random picture of the day:

Mmmmm.
Anyway, today's quotes are from the Kinda Gross category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"Part of a long conversation about farts that we had in U.S. History." Historical Farts and the Historical People They Correspond With...hey! You're not paying attention! There will be a scratch-and-sniff test on Friday (falling unconscious from fart fumes = optional).

"It tastes like rotting pineapple juice." And you know this because...

"Someone licked my arm!" Oh, yeah, that was me. Sorry. I needed a specimen of licked-arm to be extracted from my tongue, you know how it is.

"Sounds like mucus." I know, right? You know, they're making an electric guitar where each string creates the electronic version of mucus dripping in a different key. Awesome, right?

National Pretzel Day!

Happy National Pretzel Day and Richter Scale Day! These are probably related because...ummmm...maybe if you have a straight breadstick and you put it on the ground in an earthquake it bends itself into a pretzel? ...I got nothing. Clearly.

Random picture of the day:

That looks comfy.
Anyway, today's Words are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring Category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

Person 1: "Isn't your neck color-blind?"
Person 2: "Yeah, but I'm adopted." ...what?

"I'm not old! I'm too young to be old!" Oh yeah? Well I'm too old to be young! So...ha!

"Dude--how is 1000 not a four-digit number?" Veeeery carefully.

Person 1: "You're living."
Person 2: "Not when you're dead." No, really?

National Zucchini Bread Day!

Happy National Zucchini Bread Day! ...delicious. It doesn't sound like it would be delicious, but it is. Ooh! Guess what? One of my friends was bored and drew a picture of ginger bread, that is to say, bread with red hair and freckles. It was so cute! That is all.

Random picture of the day:

On a less aquatic note, today's quotes are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"Your pretty little Hedwig thing reminded me: Last night I broke my brain." Those two things are usually linked.

"They are not sad. They are a pile of pretty." Nope, pretty sure they are a pile of sad.

"Somebody slapped me on my number seven." That better not be code for something. 'The circus is cancelled; the monkey is ill' is a particular favorite of my father's. What it means? I've simply no idea.

"You stink. We never get to vaporize gummi bears." The gummi bears, however, are holding a parade in your honor. They love you.

National Pigs In A Blanket Day!

Happy National Pigs In A Blanket Day!

Eh, close enough.

Random picture of the day:

Upside-down turtles unite! Okay, there's only one in the entire world. Well, this is gonna be a lonely meeting. Lots of refreshments available, though.

Anyway, today's Words are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

Person 1: "You're not allowed to agree with me."
Person 2: "Yes, Ma'am. I mean, no, Ma'am." Waaaaaiiiit...

"We were going to get married in the canoe but we forgot." Tears of sadness...no wait, that's just water dripping off the forgotten canoe.

Person 1: "Dude, he looks just like Colin!"
Person 2: "That is Colin."
Person 1: "No, I mean my Colin!" Oh, well that clears that up.

"'The violence of my affections,' that's great...I violently affection you...wait..." No, really, it's fine.