International Panic Day!

Happy International Panic Day! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAokay, I'm over it now.

Random picture of the day:

Oh no, I have hippophobia, which, though it sounds like the fear of hippos, is actually the fear of horses! I think I must panic some more! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH...this is getting boring.

Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"Your dad's name is Newt?" Um, yeah...why do you think my name's Newt, Jr.? Putting two and two together, are we?

"John, there's sunburn on your neck!" Here! Let me slap it for you!

Person 1: "Can I give myself a unibrow?"
Person 2: "Only if you have one." Because that makes sense.

"[singing] I love sweaters!" Thank you for sharing. I could not care...any less.

National Apple Strudel Day!

Happy National Apple Strudel Day and National Cherry Tart Day! Both of which are delicious, and both of which, I am proud to say, signed my autograph book when I met them at PastryWorld. It's kind of like Disneyland, only a lot more edible. You should really visit some time.

Random picture of the day:

Well, isn't that lovely. I assume.

Anyway, today's quotes are from the Fairly Mean category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"She sings like a cow having a seizure." To put it politely.

Teacher: "How about, 'I would ride the bike'?"

Class: [multiple failed attempts to translate into Spanish]

Teacher: "How about, 'You all will study'? Hopefully." Muchas gracias, mono zurdo respirando fuego.

"Hey, I'll help you kill her now, okay?" Sure thing. Two knives are better than one, I always say.

"You're gettin' the death stare right now. Do you feel the burn?" Yes, but I think it might have more to do with the fact that my fire-breathing monkey just sneezed on me.

National Hollerin' Contest Day!

No, no, not hollering, hollerin'. For example: HOLLERHOLLERHOLLER!!!!! (I win!)

Random picture of the day:

Ah, yes. And here we see the elusive North American Fish Model in its native habitat. Rare, that is.

Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"[disappointed] Oh, so it's not the key to my heart, it's the key to Narnia." Um, what in that sentence gives you the right to be disappointed? That is exponentially better!!!

"Even my nose is tense!" That's intense. Like a fire at a circus. *insert rimshot here*

"I love it when they're senile." And I love being senile. It's a win-win.

"No! You look like alfalfa!" Noooo! Not alfalfa! My mortal enemy...so we meet again. I fight you and your horde of vegetables with: VEGEMITE POWER!!!! Begone! Be vanquished! Mwahahahaaha!!!

Smile Power Day!

Happy Smile Power Day! To celebrate, I have written an ode to smile power, in the form of a haiku.

O, Smile Power.

Still not enough to earn me

Free chocolate ice cream.

*bows profusely* Thank you, thank you.

Random picture of the day:

For the life of me, I could not figure out what this was a picture of. Apparently, it's rocks (according to the original caption.) Still having a little trouble seeing the rocks in this picture, but whatevs.

Anyway, today's Words are from the Random Roulette Wheel category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"When we go tramping on the leen..." Oh what a joyful time to spleen, when we go tramping on the leen...I love this song!

"I thought you said it was better than your head, like, 'My iPod is cooler than my head.'" A reasonable assumption to make. After all, I keep my iPod in the freezer and my head in the sweltering heat of Arabia; why wouldn't my iPod be cooler than my head?

"Lauren might as well be a hieroglyphic." I mean, she's squiggly, Egyptian, and written on an ancient wall; what else does she need?

"I have some plague." Ummm, I'm pretty sure you can't quantify how much plague you have. You either have the plague or you don't. You don't have three pints of plague, or two and a half liters of plague!

Pop Goes The Weasel Day!

Why, it's Pop Goes The Weasel Day. How droll. How simply amusing. How weaselly. ...I'm really not sure what else to say about this holiday. Oh! Actually, guess what? Turns out, that song is from when people used to use spinning wheels! There was a part called the weasel, or something...okay, this story is rapidly losing interest. Just ignore me. Or Google it or something. :)

Random picture of the day:

Ooh, hovering trees and assorted clumps of dirt. How lovely. Just add spray cheese for a lovely appetizer. Serves 12.

Anyway, today's quotes are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"This is foof. We do not spray foof in the classroom." I do.

"You look like Mario without the mustache." Then what's the point?

"Who wants a frozen shoe?" Really, who doesn't want a frozen shoe?


"If you look closely at 'The Last Supper,' how many people ordered the shrimp cocktail?" Turns out, it's the same amount of people who ordered it if you look at it from far away, as well. Answer: not enough.

Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

Happy National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes of America Day! I think that in celebration, all Kitchen Klutzes of America must gather and begin juggling several sharp knifes, cheese graters, and pizza slicers! Best idea all day, right? Yep, I thought so too.

Random picture of the day:

Just put that anywhere.

Anyway, today's quotes are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"Do you think it would hurt? Landing a bicycle on the wood floor?" Well, I'm sure the bicycle would be fine...the floor, however, would probably experience lacerations and heavy bleeding. It might even have a concussion. Which is never good--memory loss in your flooring. Well, you know how it is.

"We're gonna be conservative about being naked!" Well, that makes sense.

"People say 43% of want Democrats in Congress. 49% want Republicans. Where's the other 8%?" You are aware that there are other political parties, right? Independents, Narnians, the list goes on.

"Wouldn't it be weird if every girl had, like, one of those curly mustache things?" Nope. Not at all.

Send-it-in Sunday!

Happy Send-it-in Sunday, all! Feel free to post WFTH you may have heard in the comments! Also it's Machine Day, but that's boring.

Random picture of the day:

I'm sure she isn't concerned about the birds flying through her living room! Or the fire she's going to cause by burning a hole through her shirt with that iron! Or the fact that her feet have turned into fuzzy blue spheres that are slowly oozing through her carpet! But whatevs. I guess her phone conversation is just too fascinating for anything else to take much precedence.

Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I mean, what're you gonna say? 'Mario just came and knocked my drink over'?" Um, yeah! Isn't that how you normally greet people? Or have I been doing something wrong?

"Your nails have a nice sense of humor." Aw! My nails thank you hilariously.

"Time flies on wings of whatever." How simple, yet profound. How seemingly dumb, yet...no, wait, pretty sure it actually is dumb. Never mind.

"I have a preposition for you: OF!" Oh yeah? UNDER!