Happy Sea Serpent Day!

I'm sure it will please you all to know that August 7 is Sea Serpent Day! So go out there and...do...something about sea serpents. How are we supposed to celebrate that, exactly? Visit one? Photograph Nessie? Serve them for dinner? They really should be more clear about these things.
Anyway.
Rather than sea serpents, here are some more Words From The Hallway, served up on a platter for you. My comments are in italics! Bon appetit!


Some are fairly mean:

Person 1 (student): "My brain hurts."
Person 2 (teacher): "Honey, I don't think there's anything in that cavity that can hurt." Nice. But, considering Person 1, very true.

"How many idiots does it take to figure out the past tense of 'shake'?" I dunno, but it's on your shoulder! Oh wait...wrong joke. Oh wait again...that wasn't even a joke.


Some are kinda gross:

"It's like a little tiny toilet marshmallow." Say whaaat?

"I was thrusting my sword through his gut." Um...ow!


Some are rather duh-inspiring:

"Twenty years young? That doesn't make sense!" Thank you, Sherlock.

"Are cookies brown?"


And some don't make any sense at all!

"I supported you up until you said you wanted to go to pirate school." The conversation was about learning ninja skills, then going to pirate school to become a ninjirate. This was during gym class. I'm sure there's a pun somewhere in there...

"Hey, just because I was born on the Internet doesn't mean I spend my whole life there!"

"Did you die and not tell me?"

"The threshold of weird is purpley with orange polka dots. [creepy laughter]"

"What if you break a mirror under a ladder and then trip over a black cat and fall on a crack? Do you just, like, die?" 4 out of 5 scientists say: Yes. The fifth one tried it.

"[announcer voice] If you don't talk to your alter ego about starting fires in his or her metaphorical bedroom, who will?" Good question. I think.