Oh hey there...

I have a fun guessing game and it goes like this, are you ready? *ahem* Guess whoooo consistently is inconsistent about posting on WFTH yet has still been collecting and editing into one cohesive volume (in between, like, school and five jobs (recently dropped to four for sanity reasons) and has just gotten feedback from a few beta readers and has been editing like mad and and and...will (theoretically) be publishing the best of the best WFTH in an ebook-type way? (hint: it's me) SOOOO yeah. 

Secondary guessing game: who is REALLY REALLY good at run-on sentences? (ALSO ME; W00T.)

yeah. just, y'know, fyi. 

...to keep you reading (which, of course, due to lack of updates, no one IS), I was scribbling down vaguely amusing commentary while some freshmen and I were watching The Hunger Games...enjoy or don't enjoy, I don't run your life.



Onscreen Stuff Will Be In Bold while their/our commentary will be in, like, regular.

Katniss: hallucinating three Peetas telling her to run
Freshman dude: "There's three gorgeous men running at me, why would I run?"

***

Hunger Games commentator: "Ooh, tracker jackers. Oh, those things are very lethal."
Other HG commentator: "They can cause pain, hallucinations, and, in extreme cases, death."
Freshman 1: "Wait, I thought they were very lethal, not everyone dies?"
Freshman 2: "Well, there's levels of it. Like these are only like Level-7 Lethal."

***

Rue: [spoiler alert] dying
Freshman 1: "Quick, you gotta end on a joke."
Me: "What?"
Freshman 1: "Quick, quick, make a pun, end good."
Freshman 2: "You'll rue the day!"
Freshman 1: "Hahahaha!"
Rue: "Did you blow up the food?"
Freshman 1: "There you go! Wait, that's not really a joke. That's more of a question."
Rue: "You have to win."
Freshman 1: "That's not funny either."

***

Katniss: cries over Rue's death
Freshman 2: "I've known you for...three days!"
Me: "No, she reminds her of her sister and stuff."
Freshman 1: "Her sister's black?"
Me: "Yeah, didn't you notice?"

***

Katniss: finds Peeta camouflaged/disguised as a stone
Freshman 1: "Peeta, you rock!"
Me: "...no."
Freshman 2: "Peeta, you're grounded!"
Me: "Stop."

Eat Your Vegetables Day...why?

Happy...or Indignant...Eat Your Vegetables Day! Mostly I'm indignant because I refuse to be told what to do by some arbitrary celebration. But, you know, feel how you will about the holiday. I think it is also Watergate Day, but that's boring.

Random Picture of the Day:

So anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy!


Person 1: "So I seem to have Corwin written onstage twice..."
Person 2: "Corwin! Mitosis! Let's go!" Or you could just pick one spot...

***

Person 1: "It's Naked Tuesday!"
Person 2: "Well, I thought that was what he said! I wasn't sure if it was some custom I was unfamiliar with, or..." So let's file that under Things You Don't Wanna Hear At Rehearsal, or Possibly Ever

***

Person 1: "I'm gonna name my son Lawn Mower. Guess what he's gonna do?"
Person 2: "Wash the dishes?"
Person 1: "Walk the dog."
Person 3: "You're gonna have to wait a while for that joke to be funny, though. I mean, it's gonna be, like, twelve years before he's old enough to cut the grass."
Person 4: "No, no, but you can get those Tinker Toddler Toys, like a little plastic mower."
Person 3: "Start him young?"
Person 2: "See, that's why I'm adopting. 'Cause I'd feel guilty doing that to my own kids." And this is why some people shouldn't be parents.

Smile Power Day! How exciting!

Hello, ladies and germs! Happy Smile Power Day! I do not know what that means!

Random Picture of the Day:

Anyway, today's WFTH are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy!

"Well last time I juggled fiery lions I got a paper cut, so I've moved on to other things." Probably for the best.

"I wish my nonexistent mustache did that." I...do too? Not really sure how I feel on this subject.

"Since when do penguins sit in bathroom stalls?" If you have to ask...

"Does anyone have any chloroform on them?" Only somewhat worrying to hear during rehearsal...

WFTH ebook soon, and also National Juggling Day!

Hello, all! I know you are all anxiously awaiting for what's kept me offline for so long--the WFTH ebook! So, my apologies for the delay, and stay tuned for more news on that front! :) Very psyched about this...so anyway. Guess what? It's both National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day...which doesn't seem like they should go together..."here, let's juggle some sharp kitchen knives!" ...but anyway.

Random Picture of the Day:

Today's Words come from the Conversations category! My comments, as always, are in italics! Enjoy!

Person 1: "In which Roesch is a movie star."
Person 2: "And Slava is a director."
Person 1: "Apparently. I think I'm the person who brings the stars snacks in the hopes of touching one of their arms by accident."
Person 2: "No, you must hold yourself to higher standards than that."
Person 1: "Sorry--I bring drinks too, did I mention?"
Person 2: "OK, then you should be fine." Mmm, yes, high standards indeed.

***

Person 1: "So you're gonna go to bed soon, right? And be quiet as a bunny?"
Person 2: ["munches" loudly]
Person 1: "No no no. Quiet as a dead bunny. Just lay there and decompose." And, you know, sweet  (and decomposing) dreams!

***

Person 1: [demonstrating how a scene from Romeo and Juliet should move] "And then here, and then here, and aunngh!" ["stabs" self]
Person 2: "...because that's how you drink a vial. By shoving it at your chest."
Person 1: "Uh, yeah. It's called death by osmosis, Jackie, haven't you heard of it?" Riiight. With all that Shakespearean-era foward-thinking technology like osmosis. Clearly you're keeping it consistent.

National Popcorn Day!

Hello, all! I hope your National Popcorn Day is going most marvelously. I did see a rather squample piece of popcorn on the floor today, so that felt pretty celebratory. Good times, good times.
Random picture of the day:

Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I don't want to talk about fried foods in my pants, either." But really, who does?

"Underneath his tough exterior and flannel lumberjack shirt lies a heart of gold and also a third arm." Well. I appreciate this little tidbit of information that I never needed to know. 

"It's like taking the blinders off the horse of humanity." ...is it?

"Silly little flame-headed cherubs of death, that's not how you ride orcas." ...I'm not even gonna ask...

Hat Day--boooring.

Sadly, today is nothing more exciting than Hat Day. But, on the plus side, we can always look forward to tomorrow, which is National Nothing Day, as well as Hot and Spicy Food International Day, which I would assume the hot and spicy foods get annoyed at, as it seems to imply that they are nothing...ah, well. We must let the innermost feelings of wasabi and the hurting thereof pass us by, and not get bogged down by our own despair.

Oh! So this is exciting. Apparently, my Anatomy teacher had a dream about me, in which I was, apparently, the star of some big-time play. And also I was playing a fairy, and she was watching the play with her three-year-old son and I guess I gave him a shout-out and he about had a spaz. And so they went to visit me in my dressing room and I answered the door in my fairy-outfit tutu, and her son was so excited ("a real live fairy, Mom!") that he almost passed out. And also the fairy role involved real flying plus also I made meatloaf.

...I didn't say it made sense, I just said it was exciting.

Random picture of the day:

Anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy!

Person 1: "I thought we were physically gonna die."
Person 2: "As opposed to...?"
Person 1: "You're right. Well, it could have been a...a...spiritual death."
Person 2: " 'I just mentally pulled the trigger right there.' " I literally feel your pain. ...oh wait..

***

Person 1: "[insult] ...just kidding. You know I love you."
Person 2: "No. I didn't know that, actually."
Person 1: "Well I do. Surprise!" This does not make me any less insulted, if you're wondering...

***

Person 1: "You what I don't like? I don't like Pangaea."
Person 2: "Well, that's not here anymore. So that's okay." I CAN STILL HOLD A GRUDGE, CAN'T I?

***

Person 1: "Why didn't you ever tell us your little brother's adorable?"
Person 2: "Because he's not. He's annoying."
Person 1: "No, he's adorable! We saw him at the coffeehouse and he's like a little mini you! ...I want to put him in my knapsack."
Person 3: "Do you have a knapsack?"
Person 1: "No, but if I did..."
Person 3: "Note to self: never let you get a knapsack."
Person 1: "Hey, wanna go knapsack-shopping this weekend?" YES.

Happy Square Dance Day, y'alls! ...do what you will with that, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES actually square-dance. You may cut a square from a piece of paper or gelatin and make it dance, or interpret in other creative ways, however.

Random picture of the day:

That's...really nice...what?


ANYway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I'm majoring in Facebook stalking in college." You do that. On a completely unrelated note, I'm changing my name in college.

"Having one of those [monkey loofahs], when you're a child, is like having a friend in the bath! ...I was a lonely child, okay?" Clearly.

"I'm almost positive your fingers do not have schizophrenia." Oh, you don't know.

"Salad without Craisins...is like the integral of natural log without the constant of integration." So...confusing, and disgusting.

National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day!

Happy National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! Why it has to be so very specific, we may never know. Also, gross! Let's try some real chocolate, shall we? Okay, I'm officially changing it to National Milk Chocolate Truffle Day. Much better. :D

Random picture of the day:

I...don't even know...

Anyway, today's Words are from the Fairly Mean category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I just found out Amy was a senior and it, like, ruined my life." I'm sure she's glad about it too.

"So he was talking about beating up my dead grandma." What a...lovely...pastime...I highly suggest you find him a new hobby. But that's just me.

Person 1: "Are you aware that you are hurting little kids' feelings? With my death?"
Person 2: "Why are you laughing? He died, Charlie!" Aaand you just answered your own question.

National Doughnut Day!

Remember, remember, the fifth of November...'cause it's National Doughnut Day, of course! Pretty excited about that...

Random picture of the day:

Oooooo. Snazzy.

Library story of the day: So you know the spine labels on most library books that have the first four letters of the author's last name? I've finally found one I approve of with James Bamford. Oh, and of course I love the label on Colonial Food--641 FISH. Yup, pretty self-explanatory there. Add some plants and you don't even need to read the book.

ANYway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"No children's plays. I don't want you reading, um, "The Bear and the Tortoise..." The bear eats the turtle. That's the moral of the story: Don't become friends with bears." That's...umm...a great moral...

"I feel like when you die, the sun will burn less brightly because everyone will be so depressed." I have to say, that's either the nicest insult or most morbid compliment I've ever been given.

"I mean, not everyone is Tina Fey every morning, and not everyone's a Viking every day..." Says you.

"I can lay on the piano if you need me to. Really suggestively." Um, no thanks, I'm good. No, really. I don't think I'll ever need that. Just sayin'.

Name Your Car Day!

Happy National Name Your Car Day! My friend wanted me to name my car Ariel's Execution Hedgehog...but I decided against it. Instead, I went with Idris. Same thing, though, really.

Random Picture of the Day:

Oh no! Not an attack of the poisonous leech-balloons! Run away, random office worker, run awaaaaaaay!!!!

Library Story of the Day: So I was shelving in the crafts section, and I don't really like shelving where patrons are trying to get books, because it's really awkward; you can't just shove the book on the shelf and get out of their way, no, you have to stare at the shelf for a while and move some books out if their spine labels are covered and whatnot, and it's awkward and it takes forever. So I was waiting for this one dude to get out of the quilting section--he was taking forever, going from shelf to shelf, seemingly methodically checking each individual book, taking some out, putting them back in...and then I remembered that he worked at the library. And was organizing the shelves.......whoops........

Anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

Person 1: "I am a metaphorical threshold....I am a metaphorical threshold....I am a metaphorical threshold...."
Person 2: "Aaaand the last scene, in which, I think, Nick was a threshold?"
Person 1: "No, I was a dead body!" Eh, same thing.

***

Person 1: "Ha! I shot you!"
Person 2: "No you didn't because I'm a Patronus! It went right through me! You shot the fridge!"
Person 1: "Technically, I shot the toaster."
Person 2: [singing] "Iiiiiii shot the toasteeeeeerrrr (but I did not shoot the microwave...)" Iiiiiiiii shot the toasteeeer...but I swear it was in self-defense...no, really, it was shooting overdone toast at me! Have you felt those things? They're like missiles!

Mulled Mud Day, sorta

Happy National Mulled Cider Day and National Mud Pack Day! I've no idea what a mud pack is, so I can only suggest a combination of the two, and that you enjoy a nice steaming mug of mulled mud. Delicious.

Library Book of the Day: Log Cabin Quilts With Attitude.

Oh no you did not just shake that pattern at me, young man! I am eight square feet bigger than you and not afraid of you and your backsass!

Random picture of the day:

How lovely. He's probably enjoying a nice cup of joe, and by joe I mean mulled mud.

Anyway, today's Words are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Chickens don't give milk, they give orange juice!" Oh, is that how that works?

"I have a freckle on my tooth!" Oh yeah? Well I have a tooth on my freckle! Beat that, cowboy!

"They could, like, selectively select people." Or you could just redundantly be redundant. Either or.

Ask A Stupid Question Day!

Happy Ask A Stupid Question Day! Why is it this holiday, you may ask? I would answer by congratulating you on already getting into the spirit of things.

Library Book of the Day:

Banjo of Destiny....what?



Random Picture of the Day:

Well, that is just lovely. And really, really creepy.
 
Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"If I was in a garden gnome shop and she was a garden gnome, I'd be, like, 'I want this one, except it's a garden gnome...' I confuse myself." Don't worry, sunshine, we're plenty confused, too.

"Oh no, my strawberry fell out of my ear!" Well, that's kind of your own fault--strawberries are notorious for causing mischief and refusing to stay put. And it was in your ear because...?

Person 1: "So I figure I'm saving a lot of time of my life by saying 'Welcome' instead of 'You're welcome'...I mean, that's like twenty seconds a day, times 365..."
Person 2: "You're saving your life!" Aaaaand then you just wasted this saved-up time by explaining your master plan...ironic, eh?

Hey, all! Happy...[deep breath] Good Day For Ducks, Bad Day For Painters Day; Monochromatic Monday; Pancake Day; and Fish Amnesty Day. -phew!- Just what these poor fish have done that they need to be granted amnesty, we may never know. Oh, and it's also Something's-Wrong-With-My-Computer-Screen-And-Looking-At-It-Looks-Like-Trying-To-Watch-Something-In-3D-Without-Glasses-On Day...bleh. :P But anyway. Oh, guess what I heard on the radio? So 99.9 was alerting its listeners to what segment was coming up next, then I guess stating their little motto or whatever..."Channel 99.9 Traffic--all hits is how we roll." Ummm, might want to switch that up a little bit...? But that's just me.

Hey, so I used to post the random stories from my job at the library on facebook, but now apparently people think I should blog about them (whether stories I've shelved or stories about shelving)...so check back here for library updates if you wish! :)

Random picture of the day:

How...lovely. Is this a textbook? How To Poke People With Sticks But Only If They're Really, Really Bothering You Otherwise It Looks Like Waaay Too Much Effort?

Weird book of the day:

The Secret World of Lizards. Well, it's not so secret anymore, now is it? Way to go, cowboy.

Anyway, today's WFTH are from the Fairly Mean category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy!

"And your brain controls all that, which is good, because imagine if you guys had to control your own breathing, you'd be like 'beat beat beat wonder what's for lunch--dead.' or 'wonder if he'll text me back--dead.' and then I'd be doing CPR all day long." Glad you care so much.

"The sight of your face makes my eyes burn with the intensity of a thousand suns." So...is that a good thing, or a bad thing? I don't think you've been as clear as you could be on this...

"So, not to point anybody out, but, Nick, whatever you did was wrong." Gee. Thanks.

Punctuation Day!

Happy Festival of Latest Novelties Day! And Jim Henson's 75th Birthday (even though he's dead)! And Punctuation Day!!!!!!! (note my celebration through ample exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Slightly-random pictures of the day:

How lovely.

Semicolon says: "Sorry for the brief hiatus from blogging; I thought it would make the sentence make more sense."

Comma says: "I was just, you know, out of breath."

Period says: "We just needed a rest."
Question mark wants to know: "We're back now, isn't that all that matters?"

Exclamation point is just having a spaz: "Hi! Hi! Did you miss me! Of course you did! Guess what! Today's a day all about me! Kind of! But really I'm the most important! Hi! Hi! Hi! Bye!"

...I just want to slap them all in their nonexistent faces, to tell you the truth. But anyway...today's Words are from the Say What? category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! (Exclamation point is running rampant again, I see...)

"So I was playing with Play-Doh in theatre, and Mr. C was teaching us how to make donuts, and I looked down and there was a dead roly-poly bug in my hand...I wanna join the circus." Run for your liiiiives! Non sequitor lady strikes again!

"I love them. They are precious little pumpkins. But you guys are larger, more independent pumpkins." Gee. Thanks.

"If they had Mountain Dew during the black death, there wouldn't have been black death, there would just have been yellow awesome." Hmmmm...if you say so...I guess...okay, no.

9-10-11!

It's 9-10-11, everybody! It's like counting, only without several important numbers! Also, Happy Swap Ideas Day!

Random picture of the day:

Ohhhh...if that giraffe sticks his tongue out at me ONE more time...[insert vague threat here]

Anyway, today's Words are from the conversations category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

Person 1: "It'll be lit, though, so that should not be confusing."

Person 2: "Unless I get attracted to it like a moth." That would be confusing.

***

Person 1: "I know some of you were beat over the head with iambic pentameter last year..."

Person 2: "Literally."

Person 1: "But I like it! Iambic pentameter's nice! It's soft...like a wave pillow." Well that'll be good for when we're hit over the head with it...

Nose Hair Maintenance Day!

Happy Nose Hair Maintenance Day! How simply thrilling. Unlike Put Some Zucchini On Your Neighbor's Porch Night, please do not share this process with others around you, particularly me. That is all.

That is probably the flattest whale I have ever seen.

Anyway, today's Words, going along with the holiday, are from the Kinda Gross category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I have figuratively urinated on him; therefore, he is my territory." I want to see this happen literally. Not backing off until it does.

"Sydney's making out with my water bottle!" Yes, but did she urinate on it? Not as exciting as it could be, right?

"Let go of me! You're taking my brain out!" Aw, come on, I thought I told you to stop performing surprise cranioectomies at school! Less decapitation, more studying! Get your act together!

Emma M. Nutt Day!

Happy National Emma M. Nutt Day! Apparently, she was the first female telephone operator. How very nice for her. Actually, that'd be pretty cool. So that's exciting!

Random picture of the day:

I call not vacuuming! Nose goes!

Anyway, today's Words are from the Random Roulette Wheel category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Aw, his head comes off! That just made my day!" Random decapitation often cheers me up on a gloomy day, as well. I know exactly where you're coming from.

"I prefer not to work with myself sometimes...we begin to quarrel." What? Me? Quarrel with myself? That would never happen! Are you kidding me? I quarrel all the time! Noooo...

"See, pandas reproduce through fission." Reeeeeally. And see, you learn something new every day. Even in advisory. Learn something new...but not particularly correct...

Take Goofy Pictures Day

Happy National Take Goofy Pictures Day, all! ...this is pretty self-explanatory.

Random picture of the day:

...I can't even tell what this is supposed to be. A boat? Helicopter? Opera house? Who knows...

Anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

Person 1: "If you prefer to go by another name, let me know now. Nicholas?"

Nicholas: "Nick."

Person 1: "...Ryan?"

Ryan: "I prefer to go by Iron Stallion." Because when I think of nicknames for Ryan, 'Iron Stallion' is the first on my list. Right after Ry, An, and Bronze Horsie.

***

Person 1: "So now we can't even say 'Jamaican banana' without cracking up."

Person 2: "Yes, because that comes up in conversation so often." I know, right? I was just at the store and bought a Jamaican banana. That's one...two...nope, one time so far. It can only go uphill from here.

***

Person 1: "These shorts have, like, oil on them."

Person 2: "Oh, yeah, that was from when I jumped in boiling oil earlier; sorry, I forgot."

Person 1: "Plus the hem's all messed up, did you notice?"

Person 2: "Um, no. I was busy being boiled in oil, don't you remember?" Ah, yes. How could I forget?

World Sauntering Day!

Happy World Sauntering Day, Contest Results Announced Day, and Eve S. D'ropper's birthday! XD Anyway, I think some people misread the instructions a bit, but instead of waiting for more people to actually comment, I figured I'd just pull the rest of the winners from people who 'liked' it on Facebook. So, the winners are:

Emily

Evan

Sara

simplyamusing

Alex H.

Justin M.

I'll contact you on facebook to find out what prize you'd like! The order in which you are listed is the order in which you get to choose your prize. Congratulations, and thanks to all who entered!

And now, on to the regularly scheduled WFTH post! (Which, hopefully, will be a bit more regular now that school's back in and people are as random as ever. :D)
Random picture of the day:

Oh, how lovely. ...Are they...holding the sun? Casting a spell? Making a shape? Ah, who cares.

Today's WFTH are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"Ben won't let me eat his head!" How rude.

Person 1: "Gasp! How nefarious of him!"
Person 2: "He's pretty nefarious..." On a scale of 1 to nefarious...

"And then you gotta go around all day smellin' like eyeball juice!" Oh. This is a bad thing? I suppose I should get rid of my Eau De Eyeball perfume, then. *sigh*

National Soft Ice Cream Day!

Happy National Soft Ice Cream Day! ...as opposed, I suppose, to ice cream that is so un-soft that it can be used as a brick when building an igloo? Not sure on this point...

Random picture of the day:

Ah, the rare and elusive pencil-growing bush. I've tried to cultivate one of my own upon my head, but it went wrong somehow...although occasionally I shake my head and pencils fall out of my ears, so I suppose it wasn't a complete loss.

Anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

Person 1: "It's from a movie."

Person 2: "You're from a movie! Everything you say is from a movie!"

Person 1: "Whatever, man. Dude."

Person 2: "Yeah, that's from Finding Nemo, the little turtle?" *insert retaliatory movie quote here*

***

Person 1: "Why are you saying 'ooo' behind her solo?"

Person 2: "Because we find their love disgusting!"

Person 3: "Because we're lamenting his death?"

Person 1: "Exactly. You are lamenting his death. So let it be...lamentous." I would, but it's still disgusting, apparently.