Happy Square Dance Day, y'alls! ...do what you will with that, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES actually square-dance. You may cut a square from a piece of paper or gelatin and make it dance, or interpret in other creative ways, however.

Random picture of the day:

That's...really nice...what?


ANYway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I'm majoring in Facebook stalking in college." You do that. On a completely unrelated note, I'm changing my name in college.

"Having one of those [monkey loofahs], when you're a child, is like having a friend in the bath! ...I was a lonely child, okay?" Clearly.

"I'm almost positive your fingers do not have schizophrenia." Oh, you don't know.

"Salad without Craisins...is like the integral of natural log without the constant of integration." So...confusing, and disgusting.

National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day!

Happy National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! Why it has to be so very specific, we may never know. Also, gross! Let's try some real chocolate, shall we? Okay, I'm officially changing it to National Milk Chocolate Truffle Day. Much better. :D

Random picture of the day:

I...don't even know...

Anyway, today's Words are from the Fairly Mean category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I just found out Amy was a senior and it, like, ruined my life." I'm sure she's glad about it too.

"So he was talking about beating up my dead grandma." What a...lovely...pastime...I highly suggest you find him a new hobby. But that's just me.

Person 1: "Are you aware that you are hurting little kids' feelings? With my death?"
Person 2: "Why are you laughing? He died, Charlie!" Aaand you just answered your own question.

National Doughnut Day!

Remember, remember, the fifth of November...'cause it's National Doughnut Day, of course! Pretty excited about that...

Random picture of the day:

Oooooo. Snazzy.

Library story of the day: So you know the spine labels on most library books that have the first four letters of the author's last name? I've finally found one I approve of with James Bamford. Oh, and of course I love the label on Colonial Food--641 FISH. Yup, pretty self-explanatory there. Add some plants and you don't even need to read the book.

ANYway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"No children's plays. I don't want you reading, um, "The Bear and the Tortoise..." The bear eats the turtle. That's the moral of the story: Don't become friends with bears." That's...umm...a great moral...

"I feel like when you die, the sun will burn less brightly because everyone will be so depressed." I have to say, that's either the nicest insult or most morbid compliment I've ever been given.

"I mean, not everyone is Tina Fey every morning, and not everyone's a Viking every day..." Says you.

"I can lay on the piano if you need me to. Really suggestively." Um, no thanks, I'm good. No, really. I don't think I'll ever need that. Just sayin'.

Name Your Car Day!

Happy National Name Your Car Day! My friend wanted me to name my car Ariel's Execution Hedgehog...but I decided against it. Instead, I went with Idris. Same thing, though, really.

Random Picture of the Day:

Oh no! Not an attack of the poisonous leech-balloons! Run away, random office worker, run awaaaaaaay!!!!

Library Story of the Day: So I was shelving in the crafts section, and I don't really like shelving where patrons are trying to get books, because it's really awkward; you can't just shove the book on the shelf and get out of their way, no, you have to stare at the shelf for a while and move some books out if their spine labels are covered and whatnot, and it's awkward and it takes forever. So I was waiting for this one dude to get out of the quilting section--he was taking forever, going from shelf to shelf, seemingly methodically checking each individual book, taking some out, putting them back in...and then I remembered that he worked at the library. And was organizing the shelves.......whoops........

Anyway, today's Words are from the Conversations category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

Person 1: "I am a metaphorical threshold....I am a metaphorical threshold....I am a metaphorical threshold...."
Person 2: "Aaaand the last scene, in which, I think, Nick was a threshold?"
Person 1: "No, I was a dead body!" Eh, same thing.

***

Person 1: "Ha! I shot you!"
Person 2: "No you didn't because I'm a Patronus! It went right through me! You shot the fridge!"
Person 1: "Technically, I shot the toaster."
Person 2: [singing] "Iiiiiii shot the toasteeeeeerrrr (but I did not shoot the microwave...)" Iiiiiiiii shot the toasteeeer...but I swear it was in self-defense...no, really, it was shooting overdone toast at me! Have you felt those things? They're like missiles!

Mulled Mud Day, sorta

Happy National Mulled Cider Day and National Mud Pack Day! I've no idea what a mud pack is, so I can only suggest a combination of the two, and that you enjoy a nice steaming mug of mulled mud. Delicious.

Library Book of the Day: Log Cabin Quilts With Attitude.

Oh no you did not just shake that pattern at me, young man! I am eight square feet bigger than you and not afraid of you and your backsass!

Random picture of the day:

How lovely. He's probably enjoying a nice cup of joe, and by joe I mean mulled mud.

Anyway, today's Words are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Chickens don't give milk, they give orange juice!" Oh, is that how that works?

"I have a freckle on my tooth!" Oh yeah? Well I have a tooth on my freckle! Beat that, cowboy!

"They could, like, selectively select people." Or you could just redundantly be redundant. Either or.

Ask A Stupid Question Day!

Happy Ask A Stupid Question Day! Why is it this holiday, you may ask? I would answer by congratulating you on already getting into the spirit of things.

Library Book of the Day:

Banjo of Destiny....what?



Random Picture of the Day:

Well, that is just lovely. And really, really creepy.
 
Anyway, today's Words are from the category of Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"If I was in a garden gnome shop and she was a garden gnome, I'd be, like, 'I want this one, except it's a garden gnome...' I confuse myself." Don't worry, sunshine, we're plenty confused, too.

"Oh no, my strawberry fell out of my ear!" Well, that's kind of your own fault--strawberries are notorious for causing mischief and refusing to stay put. And it was in your ear because...?

Person 1: "So I figure I'm saving a lot of time of my life by saying 'Welcome' instead of 'You're welcome'...I mean, that's like twenty seconds a day, times 365..."
Person 2: "You're saving your life!" Aaaaand then you just wasted this saved-up time by explaining your master plan...ironic, eh?

Hey, all! Happy...[deep breath] Good Day For Ducks, Bad Day For Painters Day; Monochromatic Monday; Pancake Day; and Fish Amnesty Day. -phew!- Just what these poor fish have done that they need to be granted amnesty, we may never know. Oh, and it's also Something's-Wrong-With-My-Computer-Screen-And-Looking-At-It-Looks-Like-Trying-To-Watch-Something-In-3D-Without-Glasses-On Day...bleh. :P But anyway. Oh, guess what I heard on the radio? So 99.9 was alerting its listeners to what segment was coming up next, then I guess stating their little motto or whatever..."Channel 99.9 Traffic--all hits is how we roll." Ummm, might want to switch that up a little bit...? But that's just me.

Hey, so I used to post the random stories from my job at the library on facebook, but now apparently people think I should blog about them (whether stories I've shelved or stories about shelving)...so check back here for library updates if you wish! :)

Random picture of the day:

How...lovely. Is this a textbook? How To Poke People With Sticks But Only If They're Really, Really Bothering You Otherwise It Looks Like Waaay Too Much Effort?

Weird book of the day:

The Secret World of Lizards. Well, it's not so secret anymore, now is it? Way to go, cowboy.

Anyway, today's WFTH are from the Fairly Mean category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy!

"And your brain controls all that, which is good, because imagine if you guys had to control your own breathing, you'd be like 'beat beat beat wonder what's for lunch--dead.' or 'wonder if he'll text me back--dead.' and then I'd be doing CPR all day long." Glad you care so much.

"The sight of your face makes my eyes burn with the intensity of a thousand suns." So...is that a good thing, or a bad thing? I don't think you've been as clear as you could be on this...

"So, not to point anybody out, but, Nick, whatever you did was wrong." Gee. Thanks.