National Cat Herders Day....um, what?

So.

Yeah, I dunno either. Will an illustration help? I doubt it...

Nope. Not at all.

But on the plus side...today's WFTH are from the Say What? category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Get off my pencil, you destructive potato!" If you insist. But not without me sticking my starch out at you.

"Relax your face, citizen!" You cannot make me!!!

"It's Runs-Around-Without-Pants Man!" Worst. Superhero. EVER. Whenever he comes around it's all, 'Is there a disaster that needs fixing?' 'No, just, please, please go away. And really? Get some better boxers, man. Glow-in-the-dark hearts are so yesteryear.'

"I think she should print some Vaseline milk!" And then give it to really bad superheroes, because, really? Who wants printed Vaseline milk? Nobody, unless it's on clearance.

So. National Poinsettia Day! That's cool!

It's cool because I was going to go over and look at my super-secret source of cool holidays, but then I just went to Google and started typing in "December 12 is" and National Poinsettia Day automatically filled itself in, which was really handy. What's not cool is that I wanted to go get a picture of them to bring back and show you how pretty (and poisonous) they are, only they all. Looked. The same. Except for this one!!

It's a BLUE POINSETTIA. How cool is that?

It's blue-poinsettia-cool. That's what it is. Oh, and we just learned how to say poinsettia in Spanish: "la flor de Nochebuena." Which is actually, like, "the flower of goodnight," (literally), which sounds kind of threatening. Probably because the reason you're having a good night is because you aren't dreaming because you ate a poinsettia and now you're DEAD. That's why I'm kind of worried now.

But anyway. (Hope you're feeling better and less dead now! :D) (Also sorry for the poinsettia rant. Hope I didn't ruin everyone's National Poinsettia Day! Moral = don't eat poinsettias.)

So...today's WFTH are from the Rather Duh-Inspiring category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Wake me up when you faint." Waaaait....

"I don't think anyone has square eyebrows." What, am I not anyone? Sadness.

Person 1: "Why is it with a 'y'?"
Person 2: "'Cause I feel Swedish today." Aaaand...non sequitors are like rhinocerouseseseses: they both turn blue in the mornings.

"You don't throw away a trash bag!" Actually it has been done before. But only once, and no one got it on camera. It's like Bigfoot.

fishfishfish

So, another weird fact about fish? Some of them are 95% water. Guess which kind? Hint: it's the kind that Pearl kills in The Scarlet Letter. Sorry, should've had a spoiler alert. Here, I'll put the answer in blue so it's hard to read unless you highlight it. :)

Jellyfish!

Speaking of fish (except not at all...), here is a cool picture I found on the Intertron!

Well, not cool, so much. More like...eternally creepy. The eyes were moving before, but...guess that's not happening now. Hmm. It's still creepy, though.

But anyway.

Today's WFTH are from the Say What? category. My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)

"Somebody's eating my pants! ...I bet it's a gremlin." Nah, everyone knows gremlins eat single socks more than anything else. I'm guessing...a rogue unicorn.

"I've decided that I'm immortal." Well. Not to be pretentious or anything.

"Aah, now the magma's showing." Aah.

"He's being a milk cake." Um. Okay.

"You were doing mouth-to-mouth with a globe?" I don't even want to know.

So.

Guess what?

Know something weird? Fish. Can't. Blink. So...if anyone ever dares you, on a bet, to a staring contest with their pet fish named Farlo who looks deceptively like he might blink at any moment? Don't do it. You'll lose twenty bucks.

Not...that this has ever happened to me. Just some, ya know, helpful advice.

But anyway. Today's Words are from the Kinda Gross category! My comments are in italics--enjoy! :)


"And it takes 45 minutes to burp." That is a really freaking long burp. Lemme just say.

"Put some literary hair on your chest! ...Not that you'd want that, but." Hey! I want literary hair as much as the next person! ...Which is, ya know, not at all...

"Thanks for donating your butt." Anytime. Um, to what did I donate it, exactly?

"[supposedly propaganda] It's so important, he's barfing because it's so important!" Well I'm convinced.

Iiiit's Pastry Day!!

This is, like, dessert week, apparently. Also...no pastries were given or received by me. But that's okay, pastries aren't nearly as good as brownies. Hands down. Down so low they reach through the floor and dig into the dirt underneath the carpeting.

Speaking of...I hit my head on the concrete floor of our being-re-done living room once. This was before the carpeting. It was, really, the fault of my brother, my own stubbornness and non-understanding (especially at that age) of the laws of physics, and a very large cardboard box.

The memory is still painful...except...not at all...

Well...anyway...today's WFTH are from the Say What? category! My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :D

"I've always wanted a pink test." Clearly, your life has been very deprived.

"You need to wear, like, stronger skin." Good point. Don't worry, my next skin's gonna be made out of steel and rubber cement.

"Can I have my sharks back?" Only if you promise to keep them in your desk until the end of the day, and don't take them out at recess. Especially if they're land sharks. Those things are deadly, ya know!

Person 1: "The bunny stole the clothes!"
Person 2: "It's a magic bunny!" ...there is no way to comment on this one. Though I'm sure that won't stop some of you from trying.

Happy Brownie Day!

I would just like to say that...no one gave me a brownie today.

But to be fair, I didn't give a brownie to anyone either.

Too bad. ;)

Anyway, today's Words are from the Fairly Mean category! My comments are in italics--Enjoy! :)

"I'm accidentally strangling her!" I'm accidentally punching you in the face!

"You fail with flying colors." You'd think the colors would be, like, dragging or something. Usually failing isn't...um...flying...

"I take them under my wing so they start to trust me and then I rip their little brains." Well at least you have a plan.

Person 1: "If one child gets rejected, what do you do?"
Person 2: "Sell him to the organ peddlers!"
Person 3: "[weird voice] My son has a very good liver *tsk* and he, he has very good kidneys, *tsk*, he was born with three, he's a freak, *tsk*, I'll sell him to you, the price of two, but you're gettin' three." I really, really hope this was a hypothetical situation...and that Person 3 never, ever has kids.

Hello, all!

How are ya? Good? Good. :) So guess what. I met a real. Live. Mitten Tree yesterday. Kind of. I mean, it was two people who were being mitten trees. So that's pretty much the same thing. Right?

Also I met a live snowman. He/she? seemed rather like a PG-13 Frosty-the-Snowman, as she informed me herself. "Happy frickin' birthday," she announced.

This was much less jolly than I expected.

Oh well.

But as it is no longer Mitten Tree Day, it is now a new day for the category of WFTH! Today's category is...(drumroll, please)...Say What? My comments are in italics! Enjoy! :)



"I lit my hand on fire...in a good way...it was crazy fun." I can see...why that would be fun...except not at all...

Person 1: "OMG! You just killed my heart!"
Person 2: "I can go get it..."
Person 1: "That's OK." Hmm. I thought it'd be more traumatic. Or at least more dramatic. Maybe that's just me.

"It's almost there, guys, it just has to be laser-laser-laser-laser." Good point. I quite agree.

"My name does not mean sunglasses!" It just means glasses of the sun. Completely different. What were you thinking.